I'm back...

Through the rollercoaster ride of my mind these past few months, up and down and up and down... I'm back running, at least, and loving it again!

been wrestling with myself of late... struggling to get myself excited about my life... but then a chink of light - do epic shit!
Getting tied up in my thoughts doesn't serve any purpose... but connecting with the greater goodness and reaching out to crawl in that direction will be a start of a new beginning!
What a wonderfully liberating thought - the world does not bat an eyelid if I fall splat on my face... but I would give everything I have to make my life mean something. So go, now, and do!

Today, just Today...

Wow... it's been a long time since I've written.
In fact, it's been a very long month.

Physically and emotionally, it has been trying. I prefer to think it's the former causing the latter.... and all the angst and annoyance at feeling so lousy only adds to it.
Last week, my tact was to lie low as much as possible, at the same time obsessing about what was wrong and what I can do about it. It's not nice feeling like I want to be in bed all the time... and even worse, to be in bed but wondering if I'm letting myself off to easy.... kind of ruined everything so I neither rested nor got off my butt.
Yes yes, signs of that very neurotic me...

Well into week 2 of this yet-undiagnosed malaise and I've kind of had it. Time to just throw up my hands, shrug a little and realise that I should just resign myself to taking it easy until I am well again. Simple as that! Whining like a big baby sure ain't gonna help me recover.

The little voice in my head still torments, but is slowly fading by the day - I only ran twice the week before last (less than 15km) and did not run at all last week (partly deliberate... I thought that some of the lassitude could have been boredom with running, but that's probably not the case).
Did well with keeping up with core/strength work though, still managed 4 days worth, in addition to 1 elliptical session.

In the whirlwind of my mind, not much has managed to stick. I've felt very lost, disengaged and lacking in focus.
And then I come across this article in Zenhabits and I make myself take pause... so many nuggets of wisdom, of which I choose just this one for today:

"The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation."

Losing steam...

Sorry I haven't been around much. This is one of the reasons why...

wow... no words needed.

Running has hit a slump, a major motivational hurdle, the pits.

Last week - I ran once, 5km.

I haven't run so little in years.

A plethora of excuses masquerading as reasons (or vice versa)... my holiday, a mild tummy bug, a very tight left buttock/hamstring...

But all thoughts do not cause me more anxiety than the realisation that the desire to run fades by the day. Not running means I forget the joy and instead, get caught up in the stress-y-ness of getting myself back into it... not running means falling out of a habit and having to claw my way back... not running means sliding backwards in fitness and routine, therefore losing some of the positive reinforcement that kept me running before.

So today, I made a choice. I have a cold and an annoying itchy cough, but I got off my ass and went to the gym - did 5.5 km and some strength/core work. Can't say I feel the better for it just yet, but I remind myself - Daily Choices, my choice is today! Hopefully tomorrow too!

I guess it isn't out of the ordinary to feel this way since I've been training quite hard for over a year now - for my half marathon last year and then for the LA marathon which I ended up missing in March... so I'm allowed to kick back a little, aren't I?

*just not for too long....*

Anyone with tips or stories to share about coming back from the brink - drop me a note or a comment please!

and until then, I'll keep hoping and trying - most importantly, to rediscover the Joy.

Greetings from India

So work brings me to India for the week. My Lotus Notes email and calendar functions on my computer have both effectively packed in, a promising start!

However, I do have access to internet (though patchy, but I can get to Google Reader and Blogger so can't complain!) and now find that I have time on my hands to write this entry. And so, a flip side to every coin.

I never quite got to recap on Run for Japan - it was a wonderful experience. I had a colleague and a handful of friends come and run with me, and together we had a great time! I covered 22 laps to finish a shade over 30km. With the rest of the team, we completed a total distance of just under 2 marathons and raised over HKD60,000 (close to USD8000) for Japan earthquake and tsunami relief. It was good fun, meaningful, and was an edifying time for all involved - tick, tick, tick, good job! :)

I then started to have pain in my left foot the next day. A sore, swollen and slightly bruised area appeared at the top of my midfoot, just in front of the ankle. A stress fracture has been ruled out, but it took a good week for it to finally get better. I didn't (couldn't...) wait for the pain to go away all together, but still stayed off the roads (and treadmill) until Saturday (Read - new record, no running for a full 7 days!). Happy to report that after a 10km and 6km respectively on Saturday and Sunday, my foot actually seems better and the pain is almost entirely gone now :) Was it the rest or was it the 'heck, let's just get back to it now!' that did it? Guess I'll never know... but fingers crossed, I'm a-okay now!

I was recently thinking that I run/train the way I live life - planned, controlled, cautious, with a tendency towards over-deliberation and worry... and for all that that means, I am still glad that I can be thankful for 2 things:
- That when I run/race, I can just let go of the angst before and the fretting after... for the most part, when I'm running, I'm free... I'm able to just go and keep going, focusing on the now, living the 'truth'. All the thinking before and after don't change the reality of the run, just as it doesn't necessarily add anything to life.
- That the caution has meant that despite a few minor injury scares that have kept me off running and the last bad flu I had, I've not been off running more than a week due to these. Since running regularly since 2009, I've had niggles with my right groin, right SI joint, left knee and left foot, but all resolving reasonably quickly with just a bit of rest. I am running for the long haul and I don't have to get there today. I am cutting myself the necessary slack, but also making sure I enjoy this journey... I love running too much to do it any other way :)

Have a good week, my fellow runners and lovers of life!

Run with me for Japan - 25th March

To raise funds towards disaster relief in Japan, I will be hoping to complete the longest run I've ever done running 1.4km laps around the Happy Valley Racecourse, this Friday 25th March. Sponsor me for every lap that I run... or come run with me.

More details to follow...

Shoes...

I promised you this... and I also wanted to take a look at all my shoes together :)

In Chronological order (left to right, top row first):
(Not shown) Mizuno Precision – long retired. A pair I bought even before
running ever came to mind. They turned out to be a fantastic first pair of
shoes, guess light performance shoes worked even before I knew any
different!


Asics Kayano 15 – bought in 2009 and I retired them from running last
year. One of my favorites still, even though I have since evolved into
lighter shoes. They saw me through my first ‘real’ (sustained) year of
running and I probably wore them at my first 10k in 2009 (though I can’t
be sure). Had issues with my right groin during my time with this pair of
shoes, although by the time this improved (it has never really gone away
though – I still have tightness after tough sessions, both speed and
longs), I wasn’t sure if this was down to getting orthotics, simply
getting stronger or if it ever had anything to do with my shoes in the
first place (did I have pain before I even wore these shoes? I should look
back on my journals).


New Balance 1225 – I bought this in Canada in summer 2010 as my Kayanos
needed replacing. Shoe purchase lesson number 1 – if something works,
don’t buy something else on impulse. The specialty shop in Toronto did not
have the new Kayanos in my size so I somehow ended up with NBs instead. I
don’t recall trying on much else either (it was past their closing time).
I’m still running in these, but have never really felt that they are
‘right’ for me though I’m not entirely sure why – too wide upfront (though
I feel fine with barefoot/minimalist options now that are deliberately
wide up front), too much heel drop (this definitely is part of it as my
strike is much mid-heel versus my usual mid-forefoot). Having said that,
it’s fine for most of my easy runs and gym work. I estimate that I’ve
already run over 600km in these already, so they are on their final legs
anyway.


Adistar Salvation – mistake mistake mistake. Lesson number 2 – don’t buy
something mainly because it’s on sale. This was cheap but so wrong for me
- bulky, constricting, clumsy, also with a significant heel drop. This is
one of those shoes that demonstrates why the trend towards more fitted and
cushioned running shoes is just biomechanically wrong – I feel all the
shock goes up my lower legs and knees with this shoe. I’ve only run in it
less than 10 times and now have to think of another use for it, boo what a
waste!


Mizuno LSD – a move back towards my roots. I bought this late Sept 2010 in
Mongkok. I’ve run a lot in this and still using it for most of my long
runs and speed/tempo sessions. A great shoe and one that I’ve been very
comfortable with- I ran all of my last 3 races in them (NB 10k, Unicef
half and Clearwater Bay 10k). Just a tad heavier than the Precisions, but
lighter than all the others. My only complaint is that the sole hasn’t
lasted as well as I would like. I should still have another 3-6 months to
go with these.

The two pairs in the bottom row are my new additions - NB Minimus Trail and my Asics Gel DS Sky Speed. I've worn the Minimus twice now, once for a short spin outdoors on road and yesterday for a tempo session on the treadmill. So far so good! The Sky Speeds I am going to save until I can retire one of my other pairs, since I'm still running with my NB 1225's and the Mizunos.

As you can tell, I'm not much of a brand-loyalist and if anything, I'm quite determined to give everything a try at least once. I tried on the Saucony Kinvara on my recent shopping trip, and I've been keen to test out the Newtons as well. Having said that, I am finding that Asics and Mizunos are still my go-to brands - perhaps it's the more Asian-friendly cut or just because I've grown used to how they feel (I've run the most in those 2 brands)... my sense is that I'll be sticking with these in the future, with the only departures being to 'test' out new trends such as the minimalist range of other brands.

So here's another look! :)

Backed up...

So I actually have so much to update you on... heck, i have so much to update ME on! I have a couple of entries that I simply haven't had time to tidy up and put on here. So instead of waiting for it all to come together, let me do what I can now...

My thought this morning - life and this year have gotten ahead of me. It's busier and more stressful at work these days, but I have also forgotten to keep up with some simple practices that can help me be more mindful... I'm looking forward to a 'review weekend' and the resumption of my morning 'quiet time' to start with! Have more trips planned over the next few months, and traveling does put a spanner in the works... but hey, life is good nonetheless!

Here's what I wrote while waiting for my flight home from LAX, 13^th March 2011:

I’ve had a wonderful week here in Pasadena. The sun was shining, and yes, life can be just that simple! Joy is irrepressible when light, space and some nature (I could see the San Gabriel Mountains!) surrounds you. I loved that what little I saw of LA exuded a laid back, content air.

The work meetings went well and I loved getting to know my colleagues from around the globe. I managed to run/work out more than I expected, clocking 30km for a relatively light week. With the abundance of sweets/food on offer, as well as PMS, I caved with regards to watching my diet – but hey, what’s a few extra (giant) cookies and desserts in the bigger scheme of things?

Today capped it off very nicely – I woke at 8am and went out for a run. I started at the Westin, heading out to the Rose Bowl, where I did a couple of rounds before heading back. After a quick shower and breakfast, I hit the streets to do some shopping. I will be going home laden with more running goodies – new shoes (YAY!!! Asics Gel DS Sky Speed and NB Minimus trail), Skins compression calf socks (white and in extra small size, which I can’t get in HK), another pair of shorts and panties from Lululemon (I just could not resist, it’s like a obsession – I HAVE TO visit a Lululemon when I am travelling and seem to always leave with shorts and panties!). I also went on a small spree in Abercrombie & Fitch… getting all ready for the summer with shorts, a bikini and a couple of shirts thrown in.

I didn’t miss Hong Kong at all this week, which surprises me still.

Going off on a tangent – this was really supposed to be about my trip to Southern California – I thought it would be cool to show you my range of running shoes. The good, the bad and the ugly…

(to be continued...)