Monday, 30 May 2011

Today, just Today...

Wow... it's been a long time since I've written.
In fact, it's been a very long month.

Physically and emotionally, it has been trying. I prefer to think it's the former causing the latter.... and all the angst and annoyance at feeling so lousy only adds to it.
Last week, my tact was to lie low as much as possible, at the same time obsessing about what was wrong and what I can do about it. It's not nice feeling like I want to be in bed all the time... and even worse, to be in bed but wondering if I'm letting myself off to easy.... kind of ruined everything so I neither rested nor got off my butt.
Yes yes, signs of that very neurotic me...

Well into week 2 of this yet-undiagnosed malaise and I've kind of had it. Time to just throw up my hands, shrug a little and realise that I should just resign myself to taking it easy until I am well again. Simple as that! Whining like a big baby sure ain't gonna help me recover.

The little voice in my head still torments, but is slowly fading by the day - I only ran twice the week before last (less than 15km) and did not run at all last week (partly deliberate... I thought that some of the lassitude could have been boredom with running, but that's probably not the case).
Did well with keeping up with core/strength work though, still managed 4 days worth, in addition to 1 elliptical session.

In the whirlwind of my mind, not much has managed to stick. I've felt very lost, disengaged and lacking in focus.
And then I come across this article in Zenhabits and I make myself take pause... so many nuggets of wisdom, of which I choose just this one for today:

"The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation."

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Losing steam...

Sorry I haven't been around much. This is one of the reasons why...

wow... no words needed.

Running has hit a slump, a major motivational hurdle, the pits.
Last week - I ran once, 5km.
I haven't run so little in years.
A plethora of excuses masquerading as reasons (or vice versa)... my holiday, a mild tummy bug, a very tight left buttock/hamstring...

But all thoughts do not cause me more anxiety than the realisation that the desire to run fades by the day. Not running means I forget the joy and instead, get caught up in the stress-y-ness of getting myself back into it... not running means falling out of a habit and having to claw my way back... not running means sliding backwards in fitness and routine, therefore losing some of the positive reinforcement that kept me running before.

So today, I made a choice. I have a cold and an annoying itchy cough, but I got off my ass and went to the gym - did 5.5 km and some strength/core work. Can't say I feel the better for it just yet, but I remind myself - Daily Choices, my choice is today! Hopefully tomorrow too!
I guess it isn't out of the ordinary to feel this way since I've been training quite hard for over a year now - for my half marathon last year and then for the LA marathon which I ended up missing in March... so I'm allowed to kick back a little, aren't I?
*just not for too long....*

Anyone with tips or stories to share about coming back from the brink - drop me a note or a comment please!

and until then, I'll keep hoping and trying - most importantly, to rediscover the Joy.