Monday, 30 May 2011

Today, just Today...

Wow... it's been a long time since I've written.
In fact, it's been a very long month.

Physically and emotionally, it has been trying. I prefer to think it's the former causing the latter.... and all the angst and annoyance at feeling so lousy only adds to it.
Last week, my tact was to lie low as much as possible, at the same time obsessing about what was wrong and what I can do about it. It's not nice feeling like I want to be in bed all the time... and even worse, to be in bed but wondering if I'm letting myself off to easy.... kind of ruined everything so I neither rested nor got off my butt.
Yes yes, signs of that very neurotic me...

Well into week 2 of this yet-undiagnosed malaise and I've kind of had it. Time to just throw up my hands, shrug a little and realise that I should just resign myself to taking it easy until I am well again. Simple as that! Whining like a big baby sure ain't gonna help me recover.

The little voice in my head still torments, but is slowly fading by the day - I only ran twice the week before last (less than 15km) and did not run at all last week (partly deliberate... I thought that some of the lassitude could have been boredom with running, but that's probably not the case).
Did well with keeping up with core/strength work though, still managed 4 days worth, in addition to 1 elliptical session.

In the whirlwind of my mind, not much has managed to stick. I've felt very lost, disengaged and lacking in focus.
And then I come across this article in Zenhabits and I make myself take pause... so many nuggets of wisdom, of which I choose just this one for today:

"The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation."

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