The Engine that won't start...

how do you go from "I just don't feel like it... boo :( " (my facebook update a half hour ago) to absolutely raring to go?

It's been a really hard last week to ten days... extended PMS I reckon, because I can't see any other reason. I'm so exhausted every night my head hits the pillow, but I wake up in the early hours and sleep poorly till the morning. So most days I'm sleepy all day and simply not up to any of my workouts. Yes, even my easy runs are a trial, a test of my willpower, a routine 5km turned into a mental tug of war. And... have I mentioned this already - I just keep EATING! This is crazy PMS, definitely not my usual.

So I'm trying now to get properly psyched up for my tempo run after work. It's mid afternoon and my eyelids are drooping. In my head, I'm walking through all the reasons I'm such a lucky girl - I'm young, healthy, free... I get to go and run... I have a dream to accomplish... I do because I can! I try to focus on my goal of hitting the high 30's in mileage this week... I think about my races coming up.

... but I'd still prefer to curl up in bed right now... seriously, I cannot be bothered.

So the usual tact won't work...
Instead thoughts running through my head are much shorter-term - finish this tempo run and I won't need to do any strength and core work... (chomp chomp, chocolate is good! mmm...)... get through today and I get 2 days off/easy... finish up at the gym and I can go home and go to sleep.

I feel ever so slightly better now... the chocolate especially helps.

Here's the tough thing...

So I had a great day. Went out plant shopping and came home with a number of new orchids and various other houseplants. Also got myself a new pair of Mizuno LSD 3 - I wanted a lighter shoe with a thinner heel that would facilitate more of a mid foot rather than heel strike, and also one that would give me that extra buzz I need for the races coming up. So in bold black and purple, I found it. I chose this over the Asics Skysensor, which probably would have been the more 'serious' racer but was just a little tight in the toebox area so would not have provided the space required for more 'natural' foot action. It was super comfortable though, but I'm keen to test out the whole minimalist running trend.

And then I went out to test my new shoes and was thrilled. They felt very much like my old Wave precisions - so easy to like... much less clunky and 'stable' than my other runners (which are Kayano's and NB1225's at the moment). I ran about 7.5km in just over 53 mins, a respectable 7 min/km pace. It felt so good... days like these, I feel like I'm running for the pure joy and ease of it! for every day like this, I have at least 2 that I drag myself through and another 3 that I just do for the sake of it. But for every day like this, I would do it all again :)

And then I come home to a lovely bean pasta and roasted squash. Yum.

So my challenge tonight is forgetting the 1 hour I spent hunting around EVERYWHERE for my Garmin ANT+ USB stick... which I am now convinced I have dropped at the gym or hidden away in some corner so obscure it is effectively lost. I hate losing things... and I especially despise myself when I recall having that premonitory feeling (while I was putting it away wherever it ended up going) that I quite possibly going to lose it because I was being lazy.

but so there you go... that's the tough thing... not letting a minor annoyance like that ruin my wonderful day and long weekend. After all, to put it into perspective, I haven't even been syncing my data onto my computer. I'm really an old school type of girl who prefers to still have my training log down in black and white. So what's the big bloody deal about that dang thing? You know exactly what I'm talking about...

at least I feel better reading on Amazon (I can buy a replacement stick if i want one!) that others have complained about the USB stick being small and easy to lose...

Legs like Logs

i like the sound of that... although i do not love the feel of it! legs like logs, legs like logs... you like the play on sound?

so I skipped my run yesterday and did yoga instead... I also gobbled my way through 1 chocolate bar, a small pack of really yummmy Vicenzi malt Pan biscuits, a packet of peanut M&Ms throughout the course of the afternoon and evening (in addition to lunch and dinner!). I'm still stiff this morning walking around the office and I'm not looking forward to my 12km with 4 mile repeats. oh oh...

So it's finally starting to dawn on me... that it might be That time of the month... early, but the signs are unmistakable. I'll know for sure soon enough!

Losing steam...

Just a little...

I hit 37.5km last week, with a really great 13km long run on Sunday. Easy day yesterday at the gym with a short session on the bike and some core/strength. But today, I just cannot find my mojo. Annoying morning with the rain and computer problems... I have the serious munchies (come to think of it, I've been having a real snacking fever for quite a few days now)... and just feeling a bit stiff and sleepy all round too.

So maybe it's just the grumps combined with a couple of nights' of poor sleep. I shouldn't start thinking I'm losing motivation to run, or overtraining.

I might actually just skip my easy run today, do a bit of yoga/core work and then aim to do a good speedwork session tomorrow (mile repeats x 4). Let's play it by ear, no point stressing out more than I need to. I'd rather focus on the quality rather than just get my mileage up. I could do with a good stretchy yoga session anyway :)

I wish I could remember...

... do you remember that life changing moment when you decided you would finally DO it?

One day about 18 months or so ago, I decided I would finally get off my arse. I just ran out of excuses, for one.

I started with yoga and after feeling the positive effects, began to think about other things.

Running... well, I don't really know how that one came about. I only remember wondering why I limited myself by saying "I'm not a runner! I can't run?!!". That thought slowly evolved into the distinct separation between I can't and I won't - the latter implying a choice that I didn't know I had.

A CHOICE which I had! and therein lay the empowerment that got me out the door.

I missed my long run on Sunday due to crazy rain. Substituted in a long yoga session which left me aching on Monday.
Monday - 6km plus strength/core
Tues - 10 km with 6km at tempo
Today - tennis
I'm aiming for a 35km week to make up for last week!

Beginning Today

Fear not that your life will come to an end but that it will never have a beginning
- JH Newman

My life's triumphs have been borne of new beginnings... And these new beginnings? Of loss, of choices, of fearful trepidation proven false, of faith guiding me, of big and of small, of my everyday today.

I have had many lives and many beginnings - girl, Singaporean, rebel, idealist, Christian, escapist in foreign land, life wanderer, patient, Doctor, lesbian, homebody, fitness nut, believer...

This day is a new beginning of sorts. Yesterday morning, my legs were sore, my upper hamstrings were like taut wires connecting the back of my legs into my buttocks... pulling and reminding me each time I stood up and took a few steps. Last night my quads and glutes still burned walking up stairs. I scheduled it to be a rest day, thankfull. and Today I am new again :)

Gym later today, can't wait! 6km easy with some core work after.

A Small everyday Victory...

"Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow."
- Ronald E. Osborn

So it's been a while... Very glad to say that the running has kept up even though the blogging hasn't.

Today is a tough day... I'm aching (my upper hamstrings - from stability ball heel digs and/or superman that I did on Monday and Tuesday) and grumpy... and it's Speedwork day - I'm going to do 3-4 mile repeats in 9-9:30 at the gym. So the quote is a good one to focus on - difficult is good, challenge is growth, going beyond is where I want to be.

All in all, training has taken off nicely this year. I now run 4 days per week, do 3 sessions of core/strength work, plus cross-training in between and 1-2 days of tennis. I'm up to 30+km per week and (touch wood) have kept quite injury free except for niggly knee pains a couple of times.

I'm now working towards -
NB Tai Mei Tuk 10km race in October
Unicef Run for Charity Half Marathon at the end of November

And I'm hoping to do the Half in under 2:10... as a half-marathon virgin, I don't actually have any idea if this is do-able or if I'm going to completely smash the time. I walk the fine balance between wanting to push it (2 hours?) and holding myself back so I don't get injured or (worse still) disappointed. There is some fear, but I would like to think that there is much humility... I trust the hard work I'm putting in, I trust my body to do the best it can, I trust my mind to make the appropriate decisions, I trust my will to push me as far as I need to go, I trust time to give me the progress that I earn, I trust the process and leave the result up to the heavens to gift me.

Today is a hard day... life is not just about making decisions but about managing them daily. Today I choose to turn my back on the little demons taunting me and instead aim to do my best.

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Post-script:

I did 12km with 4 mile repeats (1.6 km in 9:28, 9:02, 8:56, 8:31). Upper hams screamed at me through warm up and my first repeat, and again while I was cooling down and stretching. Tonight calls for more stretching and tomorrow, I may suffer the consequences. But today - I won a small victory, in my head first and therefore on the mill.